Insight: Understanding Students – The Key to EPS College Counseling

By Bart Gummere, Associate Head of School for College Counseling & Alumni Relations

This year’s theme of empathetic dialogue is particularly applicable in counseling our students regarding college. Those who have not yet been through the college search and application process often expect the process to be more mechanical than it is. In truth, it is greatly nuanced and filled with subjective decisions. That reality requires listening with empathy and communicating with clarity and thoughtfulness. Counselor to student AND student to counselor.

When I started working many years ago in an independent school, sports participation was required of every student. Fielding this many teams thus required all faculty members to coach. Being a baseball enthusiast, I was thrilled this would be part of my job. I could not wait to share my expertise. I learned quickly, though, to be a good imparter of knowledge one needed to be an even better listener. A high school player struggling to hit the ball could only take in information to improve if it was delivered in a way he could “hear” it. This required listening carefully and understanding how and why they were struggling. Not just giving mechanical analysis.

Our titles of Process Coach and Writing Coach are informed by this experience. We hold a lot of knowledge and give a lot of well-considered advice. But we know it is only effective and useful if it is accompanied by plenty of foundational dialogue. Our seniors are currently in the thick of applying to college. While many have overlaps in what they are seeking and where they are applying, each one has unique needs. To best address these diverse needs, we need first to understand them. And to understand them we need to engage each student in meaningful dialogue.

When we begin meeting individually with students, they often emerge from those meetings surprised at how little we discuss colleges. Instead, we spend the time talking a lot about the student. We ask lots of questions, listen carefully, and follow up with questions that build from those initial responses. We also coach the students to formulate and ask questions and even just talk about themselves. In truth, this is always the part I like best about being a college counselor. The process alone is not enough to fuel my energy, but my unique interaction with each student does fulfil me. I believe everyone on our team feels the same.